I worked at the library today—finished one article for TechRepublic, started another one, wrote a long, well-considered email, did some job-related tasks, and spent a lot of time—a lot more than I usually do—in thought. What a pleasure it was to sit in the quiet; to have the time to think; to ponder without fear of interruption or sudden assault by someone else’s agenda or by someone else’s loud extroverted mouth extroverting all over my private party.
I was able to be myself for a little while. I was able to have thoughts and to value them, without someone else questioning why I was was having thoughts and not doing something. I was able to be.
I let my mind run free and I followed it, and no one stopped me.
Those were hours of warm sunshine. And they made me realize with a realization that I had not perceived so clearly before: I do not want to live my life just doing things. I do not want to equate activity with goodness. I do not want to have a bucket list that does all the thinking for me. I want to live. And for me, that means taking time to think and to ponder and to finish formulating thoughts all the way to the end as much as I can. I want to examine my life all the time, and I want to do it without shame or fear or the constant need to defend my lapses of frenetic activity.
That is the life I want to live. That is the life I am going to live. And I don’t want any extroverts telling me to stop. We can live together peacefully. You can do and I can think. We can be different. We can.